Gin & Soda (SBQ, Various)

Okay, so...before we say anything more about this classic cocktail, please bear in mind:  GIN tastes like absolute SHIT.  Even gin aficionados agree that their favorite drink goes down like fresh lawn clippings mixed with turpentine.  Disclaimer aside, let's talk data.

If you must find yourself at the open end of a gin drink, Beefeater is the brand to choose.  It's not cheap, but it's as smooth as can be hoped for.  As far as mixing soda instead of tonic, Beed vastly prefers soda because it lacks the sharpness of tonic.  According to SBQ homeboy Benny Quads, that's because tonic has added quinine and corn syrup, making it oddly bittersweet, while soda is merely bubbly water that has been flavor-enhanced with minerals.  Now, regionally speaking, some of you may use the terms "soda" and "tonic" interchangeably to describe the vast body of carbonated beverages available; in bartender-speak though, "Soda" and "Tonic" are two different buttons on their well-gun.

By far the biggest advantage to drinking Gin & Soda is its extremely low caloric value.  This is only true when mixed using "soda"; using "tonic" adds almost 100 empty calories per drink.  In full disclosure, Beed shed well over 20 pounds simply by replacing his beer and whiskey intake with Gin & Soda.  THAT'S IT.  No exercise, no dieting, just Beefeater & Schweppes.  That fancy fuck...